Behaviour Change

Can lasting behaviour change really be accomplished? Where we voluntarily choose to change a behaviour in ourselves, achieve it and it lasts. 

It can. But how?

There’s no doubt that achieving a lasting, conscious behaviour change is rare. So often we start down the road with best intentions, making it even to the change itself only then for it to slip back, sort of unconsciously to the original behaviour. The often used metaphor of the stretched elastic comes to mind, held out in position under tension for a period of time only to be released back to its original state.

This metaphor is useful as it expresses a sustained tension, a force needed to keep the change in place. A will-power needed from us to keep the behaviour change in place. Eventually the ongoing effort becomes too much. Fatigued by it all we let go, returning to the original pattern of behaviour often accompanied by a sense of resignation, failure and disappointment.

But hold on.

I think we can all relate to another kind of behaviour change. One that does sustain, is permanent and doesn’t require the force of will-power to hold it in place. This is the kind of behaviour change where a true state-change takes place. To be clear for the purpose of this enquiry, I am not referring to the unconscious behaviour changes that come as part of our maturation and aging. Specifically here we are considering a conscious behaviour change with an intent or outcome in mind. All the beginnings of this type of behaviour change have something in common: A realisation within us that invites a fundamental shift in our perspective. And for that realisation to come first we must put ourselves into an experience where realisation is possible. 

A metaphor for this is the transformation of a larva to adult butterfly. During the pupal stage the caterpillar’s body is broken down and rebuilt into its adult form. An entirely new creature emerges never to return to its previous state. Similarly in us this transformation is the fundamental change in perspective towards a given topic. This kind of transformational shift in perspective is frequently accompanied by expressions such as, “There’s no going back now.” “This is just how it is now.”

So then why, when it comes to conscious behaviour change, do we choose the first less effective will-power based approach? The approach we know often leads to disappointment and back where we started. But perhaps feeling justified too. More on this in a moment.

Let’s go a little deeper to understand what’s going on.

To start with, both approaches of behaviour change originate from the same place: a mindset (by mindset I mean perspective, how we see things) we have towards the situation in question and the outcomes we’re currently experiencing. Regardless of which approach we take, our desire, our focus is on something better — a new set of results.

Let’s take each approach in turn.

The first approach - let’s call it the ‘willing sceptic’, is grounded in the recognition that something needs to change or should change because it’s the right thing to do or the least wrong thing to do, and it’s expected of us. Notice the language here of ‘need’, ‘should’, ‘right’, ‘wrong’. I hold on to my current belief but I’m willing to try out a new behaviour/practice to see if the results I want will be gained. And also to see if my underlying mindset will be proved right or wrong. If in the case it’s proved wrong, my mindset/belief will be changed.  This approach conveniently doesn’t require an up front change of mindset.

We focus next on changing the current behaviour - by that I mean habit, routine, practice or pattern - with the hope of achieving the desired outcome. All going well once the result is achieved then we might change our perspective/mindset toward to topic.

Let’s look at an example so we can dig a little deeper into what’s going on. I share a particular personal situation I’ve noticed I’ve had towards my health and fitness. Namely that, “At my age, I’ll never be truly fit and healthy again. I’ll just have to accept I’m getting older and it’s a slow decline from here.” That’s my mindset piece. The behaviours accompanying this are less and less attention to physical and dietary health, reducing my physical activity and shying away from taking up anything new. The current outcomes I’m experiencing are reduced levels of energy, vitality and strength and a sense of inevitability.

With the first approach of the willing sceptic I hold on to the belief that I’ll never be truly fit again at my age. But I’m willing to give change a try. I’m willing to try something new because I want to be fit, should be fit as it’s right to be and I want the results. I make the New Year’s resolution to go to the gym.  “Hah! The kiss of death!” I hear you say. “This will be just a short term stretch only to revert back to the old, original habits within a few weeks”. And yes, there’s plenty of evidence to show how enthusiastically we start January, our New Year’s resolutions in hand, throwing ourselves into the routine of gym life. Only by mid-February for the will power required of this behaviour change to have run out and we’ve reverted back to our old habits and behaviours before the Spring.

But let’s look a little more closely at this case before dismissing it. In spite of my belief that I’ll never get fit again at my age, I sign up knowing that it’s the right and important to be fit and healthy especially at middle age. So Jan 2nd I turn up to the gym, realistically making a gentle start with slow incremental changes. Not pushing too hard, too quickly or beyond breaking point. In other words, intentionally making behavioural changes with good self-awareness and realistic expectations. I go and I experience new things. Little improvements, small changes occur. I feel different — slightly more positive in my body. These experiences as a direct result of the behaviour changes I make. This feeds back to me; “Huh, I feel different. I feel better. I am sensing this might work. This feels ok.” The behaviour change is affecting my outlook. My original belief that I’ll never be fit again at my age I’m starting to call into question.

I’m seeing that changes in behaviour and practice can lead to both changes in results and a change in original mindset. But, and here’s the kicker, I’m still in the world of right and wrong of the sceptic’s judgement. And when in this world, I like to be proved right. I am on the lookout to be right. I have one eye over my shoulder looking, sensing for evidence that will prove I’m right, that “I’ll never get fit again at my age” and back to the old habits, no change in mindset. “I was right all along”. It is a perilous situation, ready to fall back into ‘right’ at the earliest evidence.

The second approach requires a conscious change in mindset, up front. A shifting of the current perspective. This brings with it new insights and choices. From here I’m invited to create and choose new behaviours leading to outcomes and results aligned to the new mindset. Decisions and behaviours emerge out of free choice.

Through the first approach we get to keep the need to feel justified in our decisions and behaviours. The second approach requires us to give up that need. The first approach comes from heteronomy, the other from autonomy.

The second approach, let’s call it the ‘realisation of possibility’ approach: Through a change in perspective, I realise something new is possible and I act accordingly. This new way of acting, of behaviour change will result in new experiences and results. In this second approach before taking on any behavioural action and change, I directly address the belief “I’ll never be fit again at my age.” How? I discuss the validity of this belief with someone. Someone I give permission to challenge my belief. Alternatively I do this through self-analysis. As a self-analysis I ask myself, “Is it true? Is it really true that I’ll never be fit again at my age?”

Through doing this process with an open mind and before making any behaviour changes, I allow for the existing belief or mindset to be openly evaluated. Notice I’m not in the world of right and wrong here. This is the world of enquiry and evaluation. I have no attachment to a ‘rightness’ here. In doing so I come to another belief: “Actually, it _is_ possible for people of any age, including me, to get fit at a level suited to age.” With this new belief, this shifted mindset I’m drawn in by a curiosity — to being open to and interested in exploring, experimenting with activities, practices, behaviours relating to fitness. I do couch to 5k, I go swimming. The experience of the activity brings same feelings as described earlier, and in feedback reinforces this new mindset that “Actually, it is possible for people at any age to get fit”. Nine weeks later I complete couch to 5k.

Perhaps then the longer lasting, less will power dependent approach is to openly look at and confront the underlying mindset through evaluation: Taking it out and looking at it, seeing it for how it is and how it may be holding us within a limiting set of behaviours and resultant outcomes. That when evaluated in an open, courageous, non-judgemental way can be re-evaluated again. Redefined in this way into a new mindset whose behaviours and outcomes are more in line with what we really want for ourselves and others.